The day I was born, Papa Steve told me that it looked like I was kissed by an angel, because he could see two lip prints on my cheek. It was just like when his mother used to kiss him when he was a little boy, a million years ago, at least.
I guess I did look like that when I was born. I know…I was there. So was Nana and of course, my Mommy.
Papa Pete and Deb were there. There were other people there, too…but I don’t know who they were. It wasn’t very long, and my Mommy got to bring me home.
We stayed at Nana and Papa Steve’s house for awhile until we got our own apartment. I probably don’t remember because I was so little.
I was very lucky that Mommy and Nana could tell that something was different about me, and they took me to the baby doctor.
It was a pretty cool place, with lots of cool toys and games. But most of all, there were other kids there; but I didn’t really feel like playing with them all the time.
The doctor wasn’t sure that anything was wrong with me, so he made us just go home and wait. Papa Steve said that there was something wrong for sure, he could just tell, also.
So Momma took me someplace for some special tests, and then I got to go to therapy and do lots of cool things with hearing and seeing and playing with puzzles and stuff. I didn’t like to walk on wobbly things, and loud noises are not nice.
So I did this for awhile and sometimes Nana or Papa Steve could come and pick me up, and we would go to their house until Mommy came home from work.
I like going to Nana’s house because she is very special to me, in a different kind of special way. Papa Steve likes to ask me, “What time is it?” and I would say, “Bopping time” and he would bop me on the head a couple of times and then laugh and laugh. I think he liked it more than me.
I like going to Nana’s house because she has a waterfall in her backyard and a big swimming pool where the jets go “blub, blub, blub.” I can walk around the pool all I want as long as I don’t run, or Papa Steve will say, “No running, Kyle.”
I like to watch the waterfall just go and go and go. I can make it change by putting my soft toys in the openings at the top of the waterfall. Then the water will run down the left side and change to the right side when I move the toy.
When I got bigger, I had to go to school. I had trouble getting along with all the other kids because they would tease me or want to take away the toys that I was playing with. The teachers said I needed to learn how to share with other children. I really didn’t like to share anything.
So one day at school, a friend of Nana and Papa talked to them about me. She works with kids that have special needs. She thought that maybe I was autistic, whatever that means.
So now I had to go to another doctor, a specialist, and this doctor agreed that the other doctors didn’t correctly diagnose what was different about me. I guess I do have something called Autism and maybe something else called Asperger’s.
Hmmm, that doesn’t mean a lot to me, but it did seem to mean a lot to Mommy and Nana and Papa Steve. So everybody learned all that they could about Autism and Asperger’s disease, and decided to try to work together about how they could help me; even when I was a grouch and a grump.
It was very hard, especially when I would ignore them or pretend to not hear them. Sometimes it was hard to tell if I really couldn’t hear them, or that I just didn’t want to do something.
I guess kids with Asperger’s don’t always respond to situations the same way that most kids do. So they had to learn how to get my attention without being mean or losing their temper. They had to learn about brain things like how I think and how I reason.
They still have a hard time sometimes, when all I want to do is stare at my little battery-operated waterfall forever and ever. I like to watch anything to do with running water.
Sometimes Mommy and Nana do especially fun things like take me to the Ducky-park where, you guessed it, a lot of ducks are! They swim around this big pond full of giant goldfish they call another name like “corny” or something. Oh, Papa just said they are called “Coy.”
Sometimes Papa will tickle me until I have to tell him to stop, or sometimes he will tell Nana where I am hiding when we play hide and seek. I wish he wouldn’t do that!
I guess I am very lucky that Mommy and Nana are both teachers, and Papa says he taught in the jail for a long time. They all make sure that I do my homework. Sometimes I sure don’t want to do my homework and I get angry.
But I can see them take a deep breath and calmly tell me that I have to do my homework, then they say, so this is where you are in your assignment. And they can help me when I need help.
When they get me involved in what I am doing, I seem to do much better. I can make my own volcano now, and I even know what I want to be when I grow up.
I want to be a meteorologist and a good cooker and a crane operator. Maybe something else too, but I am not sure what. I’m already twelve years old.
When we go out to eat, Papa always asks me if I am going to pay. I tell him, no…I’m just a kid. And he says that I always say that. He is so silly!
I am all grown up now, and I get along much better with the other kids, most of the time. I don’t bite or push or kick them, like I used to. I didn’t know how to socialize, they call it.
Sometimes I still want to be by myself, especially at the Community Center after school. Everyone is way too loud. They all scream and run around laughing and playing, so I go out into the hallway and wait there for Mommy or Nana or Papa Steve to pick me up.
One time when I called Nana after school she said that Papa was coming along also, and I said, “No! Just you, Nana.” Nana told me that wasn’t very nice, because Papa needed to see where to pick me up if he needed to.
Oh well, when Papa got there with Nana, he asked me what was wrong. I told him that I just wanted Nana to pick me up. They walked outside with me and we sat down next to a tree and talked.
Papa asked me if I still loved him. I said, “Yes.” He asked me if I was angry at him. I said, “No.” Then Nana and Papa took me to the car so we could leave.
I could tell that Papa’s feelings were hurt, so I reached over and hugged him. Nobody had to tell me to do that. I did it all by myself. I am twelve years old now.
They must have figured out that I just wanted to have Nana all to myself so that I could convince her to do whatever it was that I wanted to do, and Papa might not be so easy to convince.
Oh well, I have to go home to my dog, Bella. We call her, “Smelly belly.” Ha Ha! Nana and Papa’s dog is named Dyna. Princess Dyna. She loves me. I hug her all the time.
Nana and I take her for long walks. I find cool rocks to bring back to Papa for his bonsai trees and Dyna looks for Jack rabbits. I don’t know if she could really ever catch one!
OK. I am tired of writing now. I will write more some other time when my show is not on.

Bye

What a question to ask. How long people have pondered this one, simple question. Simple appearing, yet extremely complex in consideration. I have listened to many Christians that cause me to wonder if they actually believe in the God, the Almighty, that is portrayed in the Holy Bible.
Obviously the Deity that people consider to be God, varies sometimes widely from one faith to another. I am truly interested in what others think, because I believe that it is perhaps the most important question one can ask themselves. I believe in God, and I also believe in Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. Others believe in God, BUT not in the 2nd person of the deity. Some believe in Jesus, but not as the Son of God. Some believe we are each gods. Others believe that God lives in us.
I believe that Jesus relinquished His glory, His position in heaven, to come to earth and live as a human being. He was the only God-man and the only One who was completely sinless during His life on earth. I believe that Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for the forgiveness of my sins and showed me the way to eternal life.
Now I am personally a bit different from most since I consider myself Pre-Denominational, and do not adhere to any dogma or doctrine other than that which Jesus’ preached and that which is in the Holy Word of God. Denominations were created by men, to serve the purposes of men. Before denominations, all we had was Jesus and those who did not believe. Denominations allow for variations, negotiations and customizations, therefore my beliefs are based prior to denominations.
Now then, there are those with strong opinions about God, whether believing in or not, and this would be a good forum to discuss those differences in an adult and mature atmosphere. Blessings, Chaplain Steve Brown aka Charles Benjamin Steele.

This is an excerpt from the book: “To Thwart the Mighty Dragon’s Fire” Available in Kindle format or in paperback on amazon.com.

To Thwart the Mighty Dragon’s Fire

Charles Benjamin Steele

The Stories of my life

To Thwart the Mighty Dragon’s Fire
Charles Benjamin Steele-2009

It is unwise
to enter the dragon’s
lair…
while the beast
has an empty
stomach.

To Thwart the Mighty Dragon’s Fire

-An Introduction-

I have been a reluctant Dragon Slayer most of my life. I was thrown into the fires of spiritual warfare, long before I had even the most remote clue as to what this type of supreme warfare was all about. In my grown life I realized what exorcism is, and as one who has been labeled a “Master” Dragon Slayer, I have put the hard-earned lessons I have learned, to use in assisting others in their spiritual struggles, to put it lightly.

As a child, I had little understanding of what was happening to me as my life was bombarded with multiple life-threatening events nearly simultaneously, until I was grown to manhood; and even then, although these events had slowed significantly, they still occurred. I am only able to speak about them now through a strength that comes from far beyond any martial arts level I have achieved, or experiences gained as a Police officer, Emergency Medical Technician, Chaplain or Theologian. This type of strength knows no fear. The enemy cowers in its presence. The mighty dragon of the Bible was taken down by the sword of a heavenly angel. Do you think Michael, the Archangel, was afraid of this dragon? Not in the least. This is the kind of strength I am speaking of…Divine strength. Divine courage.

I am not an angel by any means, but I have been in the company of angels on several occasions. My guardian angel’s name is Gideon. We met and conversed in 1967 while I was in a coma after shattering my skull in a High School gymnastics practice session one early Winter morning in Marshalltown, Iowa. He and I spoke without saying a word, about whether I would continue on my stellar journey to heaven or return to my earthbound life. I wanted to live, and I told him that I wasn’t finished yet, not realizing what it was that I had yet to do in my lifetime.

I met a beautiful young female angel immediately thereafter, as I slipped out of the leather bed restraints I was secured with to walk down the hall to a restroom in the hospital, as I was slowly beginning to regain consciousness. Of course no one believed me in the least until I described the tile pattern in the bathroom in great detail. They said I couldn’t have done this thing because I still had a catheter in my bladder and it was firmly attached to the drainage bag on the side of my bed. Besides, there wasn’t any Candy Striper there that met the description I gave them of the most beautiful young woman I have ever met. She showed herself again when I was wheeling myself out of the hospital at my dismissal, but I chose not to ask anyone if they too saw her. It was to remain our “special” secret until now.

These two angels were not the only angels I have met in my life: I saw a group of several females dressed in white (like hairdressers, for example) at the scene of a motorcycle accident I was involved in about three years later where I split my helmet down the middle after moving a car two feet across dry, hot pavement, from the impact of my head striking the left rear quarter panel of a Corvair in Garland, Texas. One of these women reached down and touched my right shoulder to ask me if I was okay, then went to check on my first wife’s condition. Of course when I asked what had happened to those nice ladies in white, none of the witnesses knew who I was talking about. They hadn’t seen anyone like that.

I met the Angel of the Lord when I was a Police Officer, on duty and in uniform, in Buffalo, Oklahoma, a good many years after that motorcycle accident. This angelic encounter was just around the time when I received the initially undetected, but eventually tragic, spinal injuries during a high-speed chase of a drug-dealer. He (the Angel) literally took me in His arms during one of the most turbulent periods of my life, and reassured me that everything was going to be okay. I knew this to be a true event since this conversation was the same type of unspoken conversation that I had with my Guardian Angel, Gideon, so many years ago. This was a divine confirmation, as far as I was concerned, but no one else could personally share my conviction.

As a full-grown man in my middle-age years, I was Chaplain of a large motorcycle ministry group that met at the State Capital in Santa Fe, New Mexico a few years ago to pray for the government and the city. Others of like affiliation also met with us, and at one point during a joint prayer on the Capital grounds, I was led to open my eyes momentarily, and as I looked around I saw two unassuming young ladies in motorcycle apparel that I hadn’t noticed before the beginning of the prayer. I assumed that they were late-comers, and was glad to see that they had made it, even if they were a bit late. To my pleasant surprise, when I asked about them later, I realized that only my wife and one other woman had also seen them. Out of the forty or so people who had congregated for this event, only three people witnessed these two women, who, quite coincidentally, were no longer present when the prayer came to a close.

My life has never been destined to be a “normal” life, as you will see, for if this tragic event in 1967 wasn’t bad enough, there have been numerous other near-fatal events that have somehow entered into the picture. I write this introduction now, while I am also considering an entirely different “battle” that I am currently involved in. My wife chuckles as I explain to others that: “I have been terminal for years!” And I have been. Don’t worry, I will die soon enough, but I am not about to let the many chronic medical ailments I have, interfere with the glorious battle I have been blessed with in disarming and defeating the beasts in my life and the lives of the others that have been placed in my path.

I am a man of God, if you haven’t realized by now, but this only comes about after years of living a life of human errors, until the Lord nailed my feet to the floor so I could finally hear His voice clearly over all the other noise surrounding all of us. I hope you enjoy this book, and invite you to read all of the others that I have been blessed to live and record. A book which specifically discusses the angels in my life is called, “Angels All Around” and is a mini-novel. I have also authored twenty-four volumes of poetry, four collections of various favorites in prose and poetry, and several Bible commentaries and Bible studies. This work is my legacy to you and to anyone who might be searching.
Within these books are the answers to the questions that I have asked of God. He alone has the answers concerning that which He has created. Anything else is merely mortal speculation and of little or no interest to me.

Enjoy-
CBS.

Twice journeyed to Heaven
and to Hell I have been,
but my life’s been kept earthbound
seven times to begin…

my story of stories,
from my beginning to
my end.

To Thwart the Mighty Dragon’s Fire

To thwart the mighty Dragon’s fire,
to squelch the flame’s infernal ire…
‘tis noble.

With sword clenched tight,
“Attack!” cried I.
“And thrust ye home…yon Demon’s eye!”

In pain he bellowed,
and he moaned…
as triumph surround me.

And smile did I, momentarily.

The battle rages on, it seems,
for more than
an eternity…

and as he fell,
so then fell I…
from knees that jelled,
with the bloody sight,
of yon Demon’s eye.

Even so,
that that instant of vengeance,
may triumph…

it did seem slight,
that he so bold…
should die?!

And I wondered,
who owned triumph?

My sword stained red,
from duty’s call…
was quite disdainfully hurled afar!

The lance did glance,
upon a stone of
black…
to break the spell of hate, at last!
Then a voice spoke softly:
“Awaken my child, ‘tis morn’.”

“But why?” cried I, somewhat aghast.

“You’ve dreamed of wars, or so it seems.
My son, you’ve slept too late…
awaken, and make haste!”

“Very well…” said I, quite reluctantly.

But the night holds naught,
but dreams and schemes,
and wishes…
my subconscious dreams.

…Tonight.

Peace

I pray to You, my Father,
…I beg of You, please:
Grant me one last request,
before my life is complete.

Give me the time to accomplish
the one thing I lack…
it’s not money,
nor food,
nor
health,
nor salvation…
only strength to achieve
my lone…humble mission.

I am only a man,
…a child in Your eyes.
A creature of whom only You,
could contrive.

You’ve given me more,
than anyone could ask for…
and through this I’ve finally perceived,
the task that You have asked
of me.

Twice journeyed to Heaven
and to Hell I have been,
but my life’s
been kept earthbound
seven times to begin…
my story of stories,
from my beginning to my end.

Through the thoughts
that You’ve sent me,
and the pen
that You guide…

I’ve spent many days,
many years,
many tears,
many hopeless ambitions,
…and the torture of jeers.

Most humans don’t know
of the true wonders of life,
the miracle of birth…
useless death,
needless strife.

They seem to ignore their reason for being…
the pleasure that could be,
if they’d only start
seeing.

If Man would only open his eyes,
and truly allow himself to be wise…
he’d surely have noticed
the wisdom
about him,
like the trees
and the streams,
of Your glorious Kingdom.

Heaven is here,
somewhere under the rubbish.

Along with the answers
to questions You covet.

If people would only look
all about them…
they’d realize Your prize,
of peace…panacea.

God grant me this simple,
lonely man’s favor…
by the Prince of Peace,
this world’s only
Savior.

Back Home

Another day has diminished,
another thought has evolved.
Some meaningless scribbles,
on a worn tablecloth.

Philosophy, poetry,
psychiatry, prose…
sociology, ecology,
evolution, Thoreau.

A pigeon flies by me,
…another is shot,
by his honor, the Warden…
of the City’s public lot.

Three men in a row,
in their barber’s chairs…
not a one has a thread
of hair they can spare.

I am listening to morons,
solving the world’s problems.
At the bar, they are Wise Men.
…The bartender’s their advisor.

The old ladies are gathered,
at the shop across Main.
Comparing their husbands
and bunions,
and the places
they pain.

The baby’s asleep,
laid down in her carriage…
while mother smiles at a stranger,
contemplating her marriage.

Back to my hometown
I’ve come for a rest…
the big city’s
too busy.

I wonder…what’s best?

Meandering Way

Not far from today,
there’s a place…a parade.
And the name of the place is,
Meandering Way.

Down the streets we will frolic,
and drink gin and tonic…
and the ladies will giggle and wiggle,
and tickle their fantasies.

I don’t care if I’m prim,
don’t care if I’m fancy…
don’t care if I’m jovial,
or if I am the best,
when it comes to
dancing.

Just happy and carefree,
not a worry or woe…
not a penny in my pocket,
nor a bit of
fool’s gold.

Nonsense and Hortense,
Jimmy and jive…
tell me a joke,
and I’ll bake you
a grand pie.

It’s silly,
it’s ridiculous,
it’s zany…
it’s gay.

It’s life on a funny farm,
at a place called,
…Meandering Way.
Insanity,
vanity…
Doctor’s figured it all out.

You’re not a bit crazy…it’s he that’s the lout.

Give me your mind,
and I’ll tell you a tale…
of the Genie in a bottle,
and of the Oceans
we’ve sailed.

Insanity,
vanity…
tell me the day,
that I’ll be admitted, gladly,
to Meandering Way.

At That…I Just Laugh!

For all of those people,
who’ve thought me a bit strange,
I’ve only got time
to try
to explain…
that I haven’t much else to do
with my time,
but to write little sentences,
and hope that they
rhyme.

I’ve got many talents,
or so I’ve been told.
I write,
I draw,
I sculpt,
and I mold.

I’ve put a pen to paper,
and brushed a few
strokes.
I’ve smoked a few cigarettes,
and drank a few Cokes.

I’ve fathered four children,
and watched others die…
I’ve breathed life into people,
while others stand
by.

I’ve driven faster
than one-hundred miles an hour,
and I’ve jumped moving freight-trains,
and climbed very tall towers.
I’ve done the impossible,
or so it may seem…
but I’ve never been closer
to my Creator’s bright beam,
than the day that they left me
strapped to a bed…
just to die.

And all of the Nurses and Interns
just looked down at me,
shook their heads…
and said,
“My!…My!!”

I am losing my mind,
that’s obvious, I’m sure…
but I’ve never suffered so much,
as I did with
the cure.

In the two weeks of nights,
that I lay strapped to a bed…
I traveled a distance,
beyond the Sun’s
fire red.

And beckoned the call,
of my Savior’s
forgiveness.
And asked why had I
been chosen to witness…
the Hell and the torture,
the agony and pain,
of the fury of love lost,
and the crying
like rain.

The babies of hunger, created by Man…
and the suffering of countless,
…numbers never pertain.

The wisdom we have
available to us,
makes me fill with disgust…
at Man’s own
distrust.

We’ve simply asked for all
that we’ve gotten,
my dear…
you’re as much to blame
as the rest,
I fear.

Don’t tell me about suffering,
I’ve suffered and lost…
I’ve gained what is mine,
through love…
and it’s cost!

Love me and leave me,
don’t waste your sweet time.
I haven’t a penny,
much less,
a thin dime.

Kiss me and hold me,
and then be on
your way.
I haven’t got
what you need,
nor enough to make
you stay.

I’m caring,
I’m loving,
I’m passionate…I’m soft.
Not much like the macho image
you’re taught.

But don’t let that fool you,
even gentle as I am…
I’ve studied the ways
of a very ancient man.

He’s taught me that patience
is more than a gift.
To kill, is not pleasure…
but be first,
If you must.

And first I will be,
in all that I do…
my ways may be different,
but my ways
are of me.

Crazy, you say?
It’s just that you lack,
that certain required portion
of tact.

You haven’t even experienced
one day of my
life,

let alone…an existence.

And, at that…
I just laugh!

The Laundromat

Won’t that phone ever stop ringing?!
Why doesn’t someone answer it?
Better yet…why don’t I answer it?

I guess I’d rather just sit next to this nice, young lady.

…Sitting and wondering.
…Sitting and waiting, in the Laundromat.

It means something to me, I guess,
to come here.
I could wash my clothes in my own apartment’s laundry.
…But why?
Nobody ever goes there.

The only time I’ve ever used it,
was when my little boy wet his pants
while visiting his father.
…His former father.

I like people.
I like to watch them do what they do.
They don’t know that I’m watching them.
And listening.
…And observing.

That cute young lady just got up,
and pushed her cart over to her washing machine…
and came back to sit down,
holding her hands,
and sitting very lady-like.

I wonder why she did that?

Did she just want me to watch her?
Or, did she think she was saving time?

She must be bored,
because there she goes, again.
Oh, this time her clothes are finished washing.

I know she’s bored.
I didn’t have to ask her.
…But I did.

I asked her if she wanted to read something.
She said no.
She found out that I was a Poet,
but that didn’t really impress her.
(I didn’t really think that it would.)

She’s loading her clothes into the dryer, now…
And this little boy is sticking his tongue
out at me…
I told him he was silly,
and to shush…quietly.

He’s sitting down by me now,
and disassembling some little dolls
that he said he just found outside.
She’s buying a soft-drink now,
diet…of course,
and laughing at the little boy
who’s occupying her chair.

I offered her mine,
but she said that’s fine…and chose to stand.
She’s really a nice person,
and I’m sure she’s very preoccupied
with the ring on her left hand.
…It looks new.

Mine is on my right hand now,
it used to be on my left, too…
but I guess if it were still on my left,
I wouldn’t be in the
Laundromat:

watching,
listening,
and observing.

Tarot Lady (One very long…experience.)

As I returned to my apartment from hers,
I think of the years I lived last night.
…She read my cards.

But, only after a second attempt…
for the first frightened her,
and she could make no sense of it all.

Even her own cards would not respond,
whereupon I offered to cut them for her,
for yet another chance.

So I did…
And I cut them into two piles.
From the right,
to the left.
…By my left hand, only.

And in the cards,
as they lay on the carpet…
we both saw many things which were good,
and some…
which were quite the opposite.

And her Siamese would continually walk across the cards,
and sometimes sit upon them,
…impervious to her commands.

And we slept.
And she awoke many times,
to look about and wonder.

And she spoke to me at her breakfast,
of the strange thoughts
in the many dreams
she had journeyed
while I slept.

And they were only created in part, by the Tarot…
she said.

In my sleep,
she sensed my pain,
and the uncertainty of it all.

But I will probably see her again.
…Probably.
And we may talk some,
and we may dream.

For she chose me as the King of Cups,
where no one else had chosen me before.

And I had many wands,
and…I had Death.
But,
it was for the end of the bad,
and the beginning of what I dream
in all of my waking thoughts.

And, as she laid the cards before me…
she found herself.
She was the strength I have been in constant search of,
but never honored with.

And she felt strange,
very strange…indeed,
as we sat patiently,
and she did what must be done.

…And the devil reversed appeared.

But I had conquered it,
for my visions of God were greater.
…And I was warmed.

And I remembered portraits of Jesus I had done…
and smiled quite widely
within.

And this night lasted longer,
than any other I have known…
and I slept for eleven hours,
even though she
never knew me
in the past.

And we loved each other, somehow…
as we had done in our separate dreams,
and in our separate
lives.

And I think of her hair,
stretching past her waist…
and dark as the night,
and so very
soft.

And as we held each other in the night,
we spoke very little from our mouths…
it was not necessary.

For we already knew.

And, my Tarot Lady waits,
with an uncertainty…

two Virgos unable to analyze,
or even theorize,
the night of many dreams,
and many
years.

About Jesus…The Man. (being there)

In speaking to a young friend today,
I accidentally told him of some real feelings I have
about Jesus…the Man.

”It’s amazing,” I told Bruce, “but most people won’t admit to the fact,
that Jesus was a man…
a real man.

That He walked about the people of His land,
and He touched them.
And when He walked,
His feet did actually touch the ground.

And He could feel the rocks
and the earth beneath Him.
And the blades of grass that He sat upon,
when He tired.

For He too, must have become tired,
from time to time,
as He traveled the great distances
His Father asked of Him.

And, Jesus the man,
must have cried…
for I am sure that He must have witnessed
a great many things
that were not as His Father
had wished them to be.

When they crucified my Savior,
…He bled.
And He questioned His Father
as to why this had to happen.

And He looked down from His cross,
and witnessed all there was to see:

The soldiers,
the people,
…the rain and the lightening,
swelling in the sky above Him.

And, I am sure…
that He must have been able
to smell the fear…radiating from those
that knew Him as Jesus, the Savior,
and those that did not know Him at all.

…For they all knew He would die.

And, they all knew why.
…Though they might not admit it.

And, Jesus….the man,
Jesus…the Savior,
Jesus…the Son of God, the Almighty,
looked down upon all that had placed Him
upon the cross,
and then looked to God…and said:

‘Forgive them Father,
for they know not what they do.’

And Mother Mary cried,
for Jesus was Her Son, and she loved him.

And Jesus was a real Man.
And, He is the Son of God.”

And Bruce, my friend, did not ask for this…
but he was glad.

And as he shook my hand,
…he smiled.

Each Time I Love Her More.

As I ran from one house to another,
all the doors were locked,
and the shades were drawn.

I wanted to ask them,
where my love
had gone…
but there was no one there
to talk to.

So I sat upon the curb…and wept.

And the wind howled relentlessly,
mercilessly…in my ears.
And the rain beat upon my face,
‘til I couldn’t tell
if I were crying any more,
…but I had to be.

My eyes were hurting,
and the pain in my heart
was beyond description.

And,
in the rain…I wept.

And, in the rain,
I cried out for my love…
‘til I could speak
no more.

Where had she gone?

Where could she go,
without the one
who loves her more
than he loves himself?

And, in the rain…I wept.

And, in the rain…
I became a drop of water
upon the sidewalk…
and I flowed endlessly
down the path,
from one crevice
to another,
until the pavement stopped…
just short of a tree.

And there,
upon the bark of the tree…
was the symbol of my love,
engraved for all the world to see…
a heart,
a beautiful heart…
carved by my own hands,
while my love’s
touched mine,
…gently.

And,
she is nevermore, I fear.
My love is gone forever.
And again, I wept…
until I glanced skyward,
when the rain had ceased…
and the howling wind
had quieted
to a gentle
breeze.

And,
in the sky,
the Sun had peeked out…
from between two
giant white pillows,
and shined upon
the most magnificent rainbow
I have ever seen.

And,
I was amazed
at the brilliance
of its colors,
and the great distance
that it spanned….
and as I beheld the
breathless beauty
of this masterpiece of God’s artistry…
my love’s face
…appeared within it.

And from that day forward,
my love has shined down
upon my world,
when the storms
have ended.

And…each time,
I love her more.

And…each time,
I love her
more.

Walking Home (A journey through Hell on earth)

Even though it wasn’t far,
it seemed like it was.
And it seemed to take forever,
and ever,
and ever…

And the snow was getting deeper,
…ever deeper.
And the car up ahead,
in the middle of the road,
was nearly covered
and hidden.

As I walked up the drift,
which flowed from where the curb
used to be,
across what used to be a road,
and back to the other side,
…of the snow,
to more snow,
I began to wonder.
I began to feel.
…To experience.

It is cold, very cold.
And the wind is relentless.
…Blowing me nearly back to where
I had just left.

And the cold…was beyond definition!
So cold, it hurt my lungs
only to breathe.

Some say it is eighty-one below zero,
with the chill…

This land is frozen!

Beyond chill…beyond frozen.
As if perhaps it had finally happened…
Man was destroying Man.

And the ice which imprisoned
what was once a busy street,
has now become…
the enemy.

I could not fall,
even though it was trying to make me.
…my hand was broken.
Should I fall,
I would surely damage it
beyond repair.

But fall, I did!
…damn it all!
Onto my shoulder.
…at least it wasn’t my hand.

And I began running…
for it surely wasn’t improving.
And I might freeze in this
unforgiving weather.

Satan was trying his best!

But even though my heart nearly pounded
outside of my body,
I ran on…
the cold air piercing my lungs.

And I fell.
And I fell again.
…Becoming harder and harder to stand, each time.
But I knew I must.
I had no choice.

Three times I had to stand again, and carry on.
‘Til I knew the cold in my lungs
must be ice!

And, as I nearly passed-out
on the sidewalk leading to my apartment…
I held sight of my door.

And, as I nearly fell again, opening the door…
I stood there, momentarily.
…Not really believing I was there.

And,
Although I was there,
And made it into my own bed,
I would not believe
that I could keep from dying.

…From the inside-out.

And, I will not give in!
…I will not!

And perhaps, even despite all that might appear,
I would not stop trying.

My job isn’t finished yet.
And, I might even smile today.

All…because of you.
Because, after the storm had passed,
and I returned to the World…
you asked me what was bothering me?

Though no words of sorrow, said I…
my eyes told you.

And,
I thank-you,
sincerely.

Passages

Passages in the night.

Time moves from one experience
to the next.
…meditation otherwise.

The Moon,
covered in foggy shadows of small, opaque clouds,
…drifting southeasterly toward Texas.

The wind howls and whispers
against the telephone wires,
and through the trees,
talking…to me.

The crickets announce their nocturnal alarm,
and the beasts of the night…migrate.

The wise old owl spreads his mighty wings,
as my headlights invade his serenity.

I gaze into the star-filled sky above me,
and wonder if space is really endless…
time, is really relevant?

And,
a not too distant rooster crows,
beckoning the Sun.

As the wind embraces my face.

…Passages.

The Secret of Jehovah (Withdrawn from original document)

By Rev. Steven C. Brown, D.D., Chaplain

Some of your most difficult questions answered about God, the Bible, Jesus Christ, angels, demons, creation and life after death.

BEFORE THE MANGER-Who is the Angel of The Lord? What did Jesus do before He was born a babe in Bethlehem?
THE GIANTS OF THE BIBLE-Was Goliath the only Giant in the Bible? How many giants are in the Bible?
TODAY YOU WILL BE WITH ME IN PARADISE-Where do we go when we die?
PRINCES, GOOD AND EVIL-Was Satan an angel? Were he and Jesus brothers as some religions say?

Including 4 additional papers:

~“The Mystery of God”,
~“A Study of the word Salvation”
~“Creationism vs. Evolutionism & other thoughts”
~“The Judeo-Christian Conflict of the Messiah,
Jesus Christ, Yeshua”.

And: The very first study written under leading of the Holy Spirit of God: THE FULFILLMENT OF PROPHECY-The undeniable proof of the Messiahship of Jesus, the Christ of God Almighty.

‘THE’ MYSTERY OF GOD

Many things of God are a mystery to us, even those things that He has revealed in His Word, the Holy Bible. But the greatest mystery is the Son, Jesus Christ. This book has attempted to investigate The other mysteries of God in several areas of interest, and I hope and pray that the Holy Spirit will reveal to you that which He desires for you to know. I couldn’t find answers to my questions, so I took them to God.

In this introduction we will touch on a few Scriptures that specifically deal with The Mystery of God, and then the body of the book will be filled by four separate commentaries, three other, smaller papers and one Bible study outline. (See PRINCES, GOOD & EVIL, for more on The Mystery of God, specifically.)

I truly hope that you enjoy this work that the Holy Spirit has led me through. I will start this journey with an overview of a few selected New Testament Scriptures. Jesus often spoke in parables, which were confusing and a mystery to believers and unbelievers alike. This He did intentionally because these mysteries (secrets/truths of God) are intended only for the select to understand:

“The disciples came to him and asked,
‘Why do you speak to the people in parables?’
He replied,
‘The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven
has been given to you, but not to them.
Whoever has,
will be given more,
and he will have an abundance.
Whoever does not have,
even what he has will be taken from him.
This is why I speak to them in parables:
Though seeing, they do not see,
though hearing,
they do not understand.’” Mt. 13:11 NIV

This thought He restated in the Gospel of Mark:

“He told them,
“The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you.
But to those on the outside
everything is said in parables so that:
‘they may be ever seeing but never perceiving,
and ever hearing but never understanding;
otherwise they might turn and be forgiven!’”
Mk. 4:11 NIV

And once again in the Gospel of Luke:

“He said,
“The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of God
has been given to you, but to others I speak in parables,
so that, “Though seeing, they may not see;
though hearing, they may not understand,””
Lk. 8:10 NIV

In these passages we see that not everyone will hear about the kingdom of God, and if they do have the opportunity to hear about the kingdom they will probably not understand what it is all about. They do, however, have the opportunity to know God through His handiwork all about us. (Romans 1:20) As New Testament believers, we have the company of the Holy Spirit to guide us and direct us in understanding the secret(s) of the Kingdom of God, both the millenial kingdom which will gloriously be shown to us at the second coming of our Lord and Savior, and the kingdom of Jesus Christ that we presently experience on earth along with our fellow believers.

Our “kingdom on earth” (with Jesus in our lives) is a foreshadowing of the glorious kingdom that we will reside in when our time on earth is fulfilled. Jesus explains beautifully to us that this kingdom is found in our hearts in the following passages and not of this “world” which is, of course, ruled by the evil one, Satan. Our earthly kingdom is only a temporary one which prepares us for the eternal kingdom which awaits us:

“Once, having been asked by the Pharisees
when the kingdom of God would come,”
Jesus replied,
“The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation,
nor will people say, ‘Here it is,’ or ‘There it is,’
because the kingdom of God is within you.”
Lk. 17:20-21 NIV

This Scripture may depart from some peoples’ belief that the kingdom is only a future place that we will experience at or after the second coming of our sweet Lord and Savior, Christ Jesus. I reaffirm a basic belief of mine, and many others, that the Holy Scripture is inerrant and infallible…meaning quite simply, that if God did not intend for it to be there, He wouldn’t have written it there. The following is a quote from the NIV version of the DISCIPLES’ STUDY BIBLE by Holman on this particular passage:

“17:20-21 THE CHURCH, God’s Kingdom-In Jesus, the kingdom of God is a present reality. Speculation about the coming of the kingdom may blind us to the presence of the kingdom now. Only those who let Jesus control their lives now are ready for the kingdom to come in its fulfillment. See note on Mt. 3:2.”

We find as we go back to the Gospel of Matthew, this same subject of the “kingdom” is discussed, but since those listening were a Jewish audience, John chose not to call the kingdom he was speaking about, the kingdom of God, but rather the kingdom of heaven. We know that the Jews were eager to accuse anyone of blasphemy if they associated themselves to God, to put themselves on an equal level with God as Jesus did, which ultimately was one of the main accusations the Jews had against Jesus. John’s choice of words was not a denial of the Lord, but rather a safeguard until a more appropriate time for that discussion:

“In those days John the baptist came,
preaching in the desert of Judea
and saying, “Repent for the kingdom of heaven is near.”
This is he who was spoken of through the prophet Isaiah:
‘A voice of one calling in the desert, prepare the way for the Lord,
make straight paths for him.’”
Mt. 3:1, 2 NIV

Now Jesus almost seems to contradict the above Scripture by His comments to Pilate in the Gospel of John as Pilate was questioning Him as to whether He was a king of the Jews, and wanting to know just what Jesus was supposed to have done wrong since Pilate didn’t really want to deal with Him:

“Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world.
If it were, my servants would fight
to prevent my arrest by the Jews.
But now my kingdom is from another place.”
Jn. 18:36 NIV

Careful observation of the conversation in this passage will show you that Jesus was very specific in the words He chose to speak to Pilate. He said, “But now my kingdom is from another place.” He had told us earlier that the kingdom was in our hearts, and we know that He represents the kingdom of God, but to those who chose to deny Him they cannot understand the kingdom nor will they be allowed into His kingdom. For His kingdom is in another place from wherever they are.

If you would like to hear more of what our Savior, Jesus Christ, had to say about the kingdom, specifically, please read chapter 13 of the Gospel of Matthew. The following passage from Romans is truly a mystery for many, in that it deals with the state of Israel at the end times. It speaks of the hardening (resistance to Christ) of Israel until the full number of Gentiles has come in (to the Church). Then the covenant that God had promised to the Patriarchs would be fulfilled when He shows mercy on the previously disobedient, and the body of Christ, or the Church, becomes truly unified in belief:

“I do not want you to be ignorant of this mystery, brothers,
so that you may not be conceited:
Israel has experienced a hardening in part until the full number of the Gentiles has come in.
And so all Israel will be saved, as it is written:
“The deliverer will come from Zion;
he will turn godlessness away from Jacob.
And this is my covenant with them
when I take away their sins.”
As far as the Gospel is concerned, they are enemies
on your account; but as far as election is concerned,
they are loved on account of the Patriarchs,
for God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable.
Just as you who were at one time disobedient to God
have now received mercy as a result of their disobedience,
so they too have become disobedient in order that they too
may now receive mercy as a result of God’s mercy to you.
For God has bound all men over to disobedience
so that he may have mercy on them all.”
Ro. 11:25-32 NIV

In Paul’s doxology for Romans, chapter 16, he speaks of the mystery being revealed through Christ Jesus that had been hidden for years. The prophets had spoken of the coming Messiah and Jesus fulfilled those prophecies, revealing the mystery of God through Himself so that the people might come to Him and believe.

“Now to him who is able to establish you by my gospel
and the proclamation of Jesus Christ,
according to the revelation of the mystery hidden for long ages past,
but now revealed and made known through the prophetic writings
by the command of the eternal God,
so that all nations might believe and obey him-
to the only wise God be glory forever through Jesus Christ!
Amen.”

In the beginning of this study, I quoted 1Corinthians 2:6-10 from the King James Version of the Holy Bible. I will know quote from the NIV version including more of the context of this passage so we might see the wisdom that God gives us through His Spirit. This is truly a wonderful, mysterious gift that is available only to the believer. Paul illustrates well how previously he was not an eloquent speaker, but with the power of the Holy Spirit he could minister with authority by the power of God:

“When I came to you brothers,
I did not come with eloquence or superior
Wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.
For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you
except Jesus Christ and him crucified.
I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling.
My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words,
but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power,
so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom,
but on God’s power.
We do however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature,
but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age,
who are coming to nothing.
No, we speak of God’s secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden
and God destined for our glory before time began.
None of the rulers of this age understood it for if they had,
they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.
“No eye has seen,
nor ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him.”
But God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.
The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.
For who among men knows the thoughts of a man
except the man’s spirit within him?
In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God
except the Spirit of God.
We have not received the spirit of the world
but the Spirit who is from God,
that we may understand what God has freely given us.
This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom
but in words taught by the Spirit,
expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words.
The man without the Spirit does not accept the things
that come from the Spirit of God,
for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them,
because they are spiritually discerned.
The spiritual man makes judgements about all things,
but he himself is not subject to any man’s judgement:
“For who has known the mind of the Lord
that he may instruct him?”
But we do have the mind of Christ.”
ICor. 2:1-16 NIV

In chapter four of 1Corinthians, Paul speaks in reference to the Apostles. He reminds us that they are servants of God and have been entrusted with the “secret things” of God. This is a very special entrusting by God and those blessed with these “secrets” will be held accountable to God, and not to man, for God knows the heart, or motives of each man:

“So then, men ought to regard us as servants of Christ
and as those entrusted with the secret things of God.
Now it is required that those who have been given a trust
must prove faithful.
I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court;
indeed, I do not even judge myself.
My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent.
It is the Lord who judges me.
Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time;
wait till the Lord comes.
He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness
and will expose the motives of men’s hearts.
At that time each will receive his praise from God.”
ICor. 4:1-5 NIV

Chapter thirteen of I Corinthians speaks of love, primarily, but Paul mentions that it takes the gift of prophecy to understand all the mysteries, but even with this gift and with all knowledge and even speaking in tongues, they are worthless if one is without love:

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels,
but have not love,
I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have faith that can move mountains,
but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor
and surrender my body to the flames,
but have not love, I gain nothing.”
I Cor. 13:1-3 NIV

Now that we’ve stumbled onto the gifts of prophecy and speaking in tongues, let’s see which is more important, and why:

“Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts,
especially the gift of prophecy.
For anyone who speaks in a tongue
does not speak to men
but to God.
Indeed, no one understands him;
he utters mysteries with his spirit.
But everyone who prophesies
speaks to men for their strengthening,
encouragement and comfort.
He who speaks in a tongue edifies himself,
but he who prophesies edifies the church.
I would like every one of you to speak in tongues,
but I would rather have you prophesy.
He who prophesies is greater than one who speaks in tongues,
unless he interprets, so that the church may be edified.”
I Cor. 14:1-5 NIV.

Another mystery is the mystery of the resurrection body. This is explained in chapter 15 of I Corinthians, and the fact that some of us may still be alive when the rapture, or second coming occurs, while the other believers will be “sleeping.” Our bodies will become new and imperishable, since we will experience heaven in a spiritual state rather than a mortal state. As Christians and followers of Jesus Christ, we know and believe that Jesus died and was resurrected from the dead. He did have a body that others saw, especially Thomas, as Jesus revealed the wounds He had received when He visited them after His crucifixion. He was also transfigured before the Apostles’ eyes on the mount of ttransfiguration so that they might get a glimpse of His glorified body. I believe this was also done so that even we might have some sort of idea of what is in store for us when we receive our glorified, or “spiritual body.”:

“But someone may ask, “How are the dead raised?
With what kind of body will they come?”
How foolish!
What you sow does not come to life unless it dies.
When you sow, you do not plant the body that will be,
but just a seed,
perhaps of wheat or of something else.
But God gives it a body as he has determined,
and to each kind of seed he gives its own body.
All flesh is not the same:
Men have one kind of flesh, animals have another,
birds another and fish another.
There are also heavenly bodies and there are earthly bodies;
but the splendor of the heavenly bodies is one kind,
and the splendor of the earthly bodies is another.
The sun has one kind of splendor, the moon another and the stars another,
and star differs from star in splendor.
So will it be with the resurrection of the dead.
The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable;
it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory;
it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power, it is sown a natural body,
it is raised a spiritual body.
If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body.
So it is written:
“The first man Adam became a living being”;
the last Adam,
a life-giving spirit.
The spiritual did not come first, but the natural,
and after that the spiritual.
The first man was of the dust of the earth,
the second man from heaven.
As was the earthly man, so are those of who are of the earth;
and as the man from heaven,
so also are those who are of heaven.
And just as we have borne the likeness of the earthly man,
so shall we bear he likeness of the man from heaven.
I declare to you, brothers, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God,
nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable.
Listen, I tell you a mystery:
We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed-in a flash,
in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet.
For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable,
and we will be changed.
For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable,
and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true:

“Death has been swallowed up in victory.”
“Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.
But thanks be to God!
He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm.
Let nothing move you.
Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord,
because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.”
I Cor. 15:35-58 NIV.

The mystery of God’s will is accomplished through the Son, Jesus Christ. Which, as the following Scriptures advise, when the times have reached their fulfillment, all things in heaven and on earth will come together under the Lordship of Jesus Christ. As other Scripture tells us: “Every knee shall bow…every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.” (Phillipians 2:10, 11.)

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world
to be holy and blameless in his sight.
In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ,
in accordance with his pleasure and will-to the praise of his glorious grace,
which he has freely given us in the One he loves.
In him we have redemption through his blood,
forgiveness of sins,
in accordance with the riches of God’s grace
that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.
And he made known to us the mystery of his will
according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ,
to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment-
to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.”
Eph. 1:4-10 NIV.

“For this reason I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus for the sake of you Gentiles-Surely you have heard about the administration of God’s grace, that was given to me for you, that is, the mystery made known to me by revelation,
as I have already written briefly.
In reading this, then, you will be able to understand my insight into the mystery of Christ, which was not made known to men in other generations as it has now been revealed by the Spirit to God’s holy apostles and prophets.
This mystery is that through the gospel the Gentiles are heirs together with Israel, members together of one body, and sharers together in the promise in Christ Jesus.
I became a servant of this gospel by the gift of God’s grace given me through the working of his power.
Although I am less than the least of all God’s people, this grace was given me: to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to make plain to everyone the administration of this mystery, which for ages past was kept hidden in God, who created all things.
His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, according to his eternal purpose which he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord.
In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.”
Eph. 3:1-12 NIV.

“None of us hate our own bodies.
We provide for them and take good care of them,
just as Christ does for the church,
because we are each part of his body.
as the Scriptures say,
“A man leaves his father and mother to get married,
and he becomes like one person with his wife.”
This is a great mystery,
but I understand it to mean Christ and his church.
So each husband should love his wife
as much as he loves himself,
and each wife should respect her husband.”
Eph 5:23-29 CEV

Nathan scanned the area through his scope and made some final adjustments to calibrate for distance, lighting, and other factors. As the President took his place at the podium, the crowd broke out in applause. The President was very familiar with this crowd, since he himself was of Hispanic descent and came from New Mexico, originally. Nathan continued to scan the crowd and then slowly focused on a small group of children playing in the nursery adjacent to the open foyer. The cross-hairs of the scope continued to scan until Nathan hesitated for a moment on the back of the President‟s head. It was in easy view from Nathan‟s vantage point. Suddenly there was a brief, brilliant reflection coming from directly across the stage and all the way across the foyer.
“BANG…BANG!!!”

Two loud rifle retorts rang out instantly and the President dropped to the floor of the stage as two of the Secret Service agents fell on top of him and two others simultaneously began sliding them off of the back of the stage. Nathan heard another loud bang as the door to his room burst open, and several agents in SWAT uniforms aimed weapons directly at him. He slowly raised his hands in the air and started to say something to them, then realized that it probably wouldn‟t make much difference at this point. They obviously thought that he was the assassin. Nathan‟s attention quickly returned to the present moment and the confines of his cell as he heard: